Peace be with you Dear Soul

The wild seems harsh at times. Forest fires to clear the forest randomly appear, killing everything in it's path. Heightened awareness needed to survive in the woods. A flash flood wiping out everything in it's path. 

But is it really that vicious or is it just the way nature and the cosmos works when it really lives in all its mightiness and all it's creating and all its fullness with a knowing beyond what we can even comprehend? 

And Music. The life it brings to the wildness of our souls . . . 

As I write this, I listen to a recording of William Byrds, Lulla Lullaby, that we were singing at choir rehearsal when one of our choir members dropped slowly to his chair as he experienced a stroke. Like the wild can be, it was sudden. But  surprisingly, it was also soft. Safe. Held. 

Can you imagine, falling in between the worlds while being sung to . . . hearing the words  . . . My sweet little baby . . . accompanied by beautiful harmonies, and gentle voices on the stage at a church doing something you love with others who love it too?

The choir I sing with are the most lovely individuals you would want to sing with. Our choir director too and she knows music well and brings it out of us in a way that feeds your soul. We are there, because we love it. We sing because we love it.

And this night, we were doing our thing together and sounding amazing. This piece moves you. It's just what it does. We are singing this piece in a festival soon, so we know it well. And it really is music to your ears.

Oh. Ouch. My heart hurts. Sharp.  As I write this. Only because as I write this, I remember this moment, with Eric….  My heart has to stretch into the unknown realms that as a living being we don't yet know or remember. Music alone can take you there. This piece alone can open you. And witnessing the beginning of a transition from this world to another, cracks you open.

I can't imagine a better way to begin the transition though. 

As he dropped to his chair, it took a moment for us to realize what was happening, as it was actually rather gentle.  He was tenderly stopped from falling off the chair by his neighbour. We helped him to the floor where he would be safe. Someone went to call 911. I took his head in my hands and held him from behind. 

"I feel fine" he slurred as he tried to stay alert. "Good" I responded. We knew he wasn't. 

But I knew more than that. I knew his journey. I continued to hold his head in my hands. He leaned hard against me. One side not being able to support itself. 

To allow him to feel safe, I told him what was happening  "Eric" I said as I told him who was with him,  "Someone is calling 911 right now. The choir is around you and we will stay here with you. We've called Carol and she's going to meet you at the hospital.  There are two waiting at the window in the front and someone else by the front door to meet the paramedics when they get here so they can bring them here to us." And in that moment as I ended that sentence, he let go. A full breath left his lips. His lower lip rattled with relief as his body let go and relaxed. His breath quiet and even. He didn't have to worry anymore. 

As I held his head in my hands, I prayed silently. And what came was not what I expected. Not that I expected anything really. But it wasn't what I expected. It was one of the most beautiful responses to a prayer I think I've ever felt. And I knew by what I saw and what I felt, that he was dyeing. I didn't say anything. But I knew. I didn't know when, or how long, but it was clear. 

I kept praying and asking for help. It came in. I asked for help for everyone. It came in. Healing energy passing through my hands to Eric's head, it came through . . . and he fell into a deep sleep, the kind of sleep I know is healing, in a normal circumstances. His breaths became deep. It felt right. Good. Healing. This was a good sign in a regular healing session.

"Is he sleeping?" I asked looking at the woman holding his right hand just to acknowledge what was happening and to be clear. "Yes" she responded. We smiled at each other. 

"Eric", one of the members said gently looking at him while holding his left hand "Stay with us" and he woke up. I was glad he slept. And I was glad he woke up. All was good. All was perfect. All was the way it was suppose to be. All was reassuring. Even though we were a little scared. We also were not. What we were, was present.

Time stopped. 25 minutes was like it didn't even exist until the paramedics took him to the hospital. It was only then that I knew it was 25 minutes. It didn't feel like anything at all. Time was not really part of my expereince. 

My experience was also soft. Alert. Peaceful. Protective. Unknown. Full.

And as I held Eric, I could not miss his gentle nature. It came through everything. His essence, fully present.  I could feel my own presence. I could feel the presence to the ethereal. I felt like I was in the presence of God. I knew this man had lived a beautiful life, just by what was here, what I felt. I still can't fully process it all. His funeral only yesterday.

But I can't help but think that death can be peaceful. Beautiful. Held. We make it something it doesn't have to be. 

Eric showed me not to be afraid. He showed me that dieing is like living. We get to wake up into our humanness because you just can't avoid the feelings. It's too profound. So while he was finding his way elsewhere, we were profoundly finding our way too. We were present. Awake. Supporting. Loving.

I see his smile as I write this. He had a beautiful one. A little light in his eyes. Like the light that occurred as he began the transition to his next place with us that night. 

To hold him for that time has profoundly affected me. I feel stretched beyond my skin, beyond my knowing. I feel held by God, by angels, by love. I feel like I know something about life that I didn't know the day before this experience. 

I can't yet go into detail as it is too much for me today. 

But I wanted to share with you another side of the wild. The Gentle, loving side. Death and severe illness may be a harsh thing to witness because we face our own mortality. And that is so much, we need to express ourselves and for me, today, I need to cry. Not because I'm sad only, but because it is a lot to witness and to have the privilege of being present too, and the energy needs somewhere to go. And because it's what we get to do as humans. Cry. Feel. Express. And be held in that.

I'm not sure how to let it all go through me. Yet. But I know it will and it is. I know that today, it might be a little too early to write. 

Or maybe, it's just that what I saw, felt, experienced . . . is only love. Eric was loved. And he loved. And what was around him that night, was love. And what was in the heavens, was love. It was everywhere.

And maybe that's all that needs to be said right now. 

That, and, I will leave you with a rendition of the song we were singing that night when all this happened. Lulla Lullaby, by William Byrd. Thank you William Byrd for your beautiful, loving music. If you only knew how you held us all that night.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8mOX__A-q8

Love, 

~Elizabeth xo

PS I know the nature of this post is different. Please feel free to leave a comment, share your experiences or thoughts. I would love to hear from you.

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Elizabeth MacLeod BMus, BEd, PCC
Founder of Wild Woman Enchanted

Hi. I'm Elizabeth and I'm so glad you are here. Welcome! 

 
I'm the author and illustrator of the Wild Woman Mystery Cards - An enchanting journey to your true self. I write, illustrate, teach and make Wild Woman Books and tools for your wild and most precious heart. 

My mission in life or my "savoir faire" is to let every women know that it's your birthright to be who you are and it's powerful, graceful, wild, loving and beautiful to live your life from your own authentic place. 

I love big screen movies, meaningful words and anything sky blue and I'm passionate about women living their best life with their true selves. 

So passionate, I created what many call "Life's Cheat Sheet" with all the resources you need in one place. It's "a great wonderful guide" and its FREE! 

www.WildWomanEnchanted.com