Where Joy lives

Today, watching the Big C on TV while eating dinner, Cathy, the main character, was in a workshop where she was told to go inside and find her joy. 

While she did that, I found myself exploring in my mind's eye about my joy and oddly enough, as often happens in these exercises, I found myself standing at the pulpit at my mother's funeral 10 years ago, talking of her, of our journey together through her illness, of what it was like to be her daughter, of the things she taught me and the things I had learned from her in this profound time that is suppose to be 'sad', but that was infact, so intimately real, and so beautifully connected, and so ultimately caring. I looked out from the pulpit, tears in my eyes, and I looked into the pews and saw my oldest neice, then 10 years old, smiling right into my eyes. 

"Why was she smiling." you ask? In fact, beaming!?

Because when we were in the room with all our family before coming out into church with everyone, I had started to cry. "I've never seen Lizzie cry" she said to everyone. She asked me how I was going to do my talk to everyone in the church and lead the ceremony. 

I looked at her, love in my eyes. I told her all I had to do was look into the pews where she'd be sitting and see her there and I would remember all was good and all was okay. And I told her I would smile at her. That she was beautiful and I loved her. And I would remember that. And it would help me. And all would be okay. Crying or not.

So we all moved into the church. My niece placing herself strategically beside me. I walked up to the stage, bowed to everyone in prayer position, and walked to the pulpit. Tears moved within me. I took a breath in and then out and looked up. 

And there she was amongst the community of people who loved my Mom, leaning earnestly forward in her pew, smiling at me with such intent, that I couldn't miss the beam. It was a grin so big, you might think she was at a birthday party or a celebration so grand it meant incredible smiling! And I guess in a way, she was, as my mother had left here to be birthed into her other world as we all acknowledged her time here and we were celebrating her. 

I couldn't even help it. I smiled back at her. And began. And each time I felt something going on, a little movement of uncontrollable tears, I looked up and over at her. Partly for me. And partly for her. And it was so obvious at one point, I stopped what was planned and told the congregation what was happening. That she was smiling to help me through the rough spots.  You could almost hear everyone smile with us.

Every time tears would start, I would put my head up and and there she was, smiling at me with her little 10 year old body, with the grin of the Universe so big that the only thing that could happen was love. And the congregation came with us.

There was something so special, so real and so very wild . . . seeing all the people from my mother's life sitting before me, over 250, including my friends from childhood, who had traveled the journey with me, those who traveled from far away to be with us that day.

And I remembered how in my self I was that day. It was a good place, filled with everything life is. Connection. Intimacy. Unwavering Support. Understanding. Love. Beauty. And smiles. Funny that it would be at a funeral. Or should I say, celebration of someone's life. And interestingly, so many came over afterwards to say how much the loved the ceremony, how beautiful my talk was and even how I even should publish the eulogy it was so good!

This is where we should always live. In that place where the drama falls away and love prevails over everything. Where the wild is free and the heart is open. A place inside that is so real and so clear that it makes you really know who you are. And a place to feel that and share it with one another.

I stood there knowing exactly what I needed to do, what I felt and how to move. I dared to say what I thought, felt moved with the presence of being, and loved and loving in the awareness of my own self, my own freedom to be, and my own divine spark of wild abandon.

And it made me really think about what that place of connection with the deepest essence of who we are comes from. And I thought about the Wild of the earth, the wild of my heart, and the wild of my ancestors and all their wisdom.  

 And, I thought about being a Woman and that divine spark within us that shines with all that is genuine and authentic and real. I thought of the forests, of my cats, the ocean and the smallest flower that knows exactly who they are and what they need to do and their meaning and purpose in their life. 

I wondered how I allowed myself to be there  . . . and how I forget and move away.

In that heart of who we are, we are our own wild selves, and know how to feel, see, hear, touch and express who we really are. When in the wild of our heart, and the untamed guts of our soul, undomesticated strength of our spirit, and vitality of our energy animated in whatever form that is, we are our true place, and natural state of being…that place of connection with the deepest essence of who we are.

Bringing out the wild knowing in ourselves, that wisdom that knows exactly what it needs, and where to find it, is our part of the natural divine plan. Knowing that what is true is what is simply arising and you find yourself speaking it, walking it, dancing it, feeling it, or just simply being it.   

This is the clarity of being free. We owe it to ourselves, our children, our nieces and nephews, dogs and cats, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, to be in that heart of who we are . . . 

And to smile. Because that's where joy lives.

With love, 

~Elizabeth xo

PS Coming soon . . . my new e-course, enlivening the wild in us all, as individuals, as a community and as a world of women, where we will explore these places of divine smiling and be okay with ourselves as we are, in the moment we are in, no matter what is going on around us. 

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About Elizabeth MacLeod BMus, BEd, CPC

Hey Wild Woman. Welcome!  I'm the author and illustrator of the Wild Woman Mystery Cards - An enchanting journey to your true self. I write, illustrate, teach and make Wild Woman Books and tools for your beautiful and wild heart.

My calling is to let every woman know it's  your birthright to be who you are. I will help you connect to yourself and your power, wisdom, glory, beauty, grace and wildness.

I love big screen movies, meaningful words, anything sky blue and I'm passionate about women living their best and most authentic life.

Want more? Go get my "great wonderful wild woman guide" to help you live a better life. It's FREE! 

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